New

A new year, although my own new year really starts with the winter solstice. That's one of the turning points of the year for me, the time when I ponder the past year and think about what I want. My birthday is another turning point, and then, because I have never given up on the academic life, even if I'm not living it, Aug/Sept. with fresh starts and back to school new chances. So, the calendar new year.... it's a date on the calendar.

That said, there are a few new things around. This is the bulletin board that lives next to my desk. I change it out randomly, but it stays the same for months at a time. It's a kind of inspiration board. The things I pulled off it were all about persistence and finding what you love. After my thoughts at solstice, I realized that for this year, I did not want to wait, that I wanted to live my life and stop waiting for perfection, or change, or whatever to do the many things I want to do. I like choosing an intention for the year, and a word to remind me of this. I thought about live as the word, but I wanted more. I have been living, and waiting to live more fully. I want to live big, to live authentically, to really push some things this year. So the word I went with is Fly. That's what I want for this year, to fly.

I found an awesome quote from Toni Morrison's Song of Solomon - "You wanna fly, you got to give up the shit that weighs you down." So, stepping away from the shit that weighs me down, and seeing how far and fast and high I can fly.
We've had a couple rounds of snow lately, not much accumulation, but a beautiful snowfall. It remind me of a poem I've been thinking of a lot lately.

Manna by Joseph Stroud

Everywhere, everywhere, snow sifting down,

a world becoming white, no more sounds,

no longer possible to find the heart of the day,

the sun is gone, the sky is nowhere, and of all

I wanted in life - so be it - whatever it is

that brought me here, chance, fortune, whatever

blessing each flake of snow is the hint of, I am

grateful, I bear witness, I hold out my arms,

palms up, I know it is impossible to hold

for long what we love of the world, but look
at me, is it foolish, shameful, arrogant to say this,

see how the snow drifts down, look how happy

I am.
And I am, happy. I'm learning to be happy without things being settled into a pattern of predictability. I don't have to wait for a full-time job, and some sort of established career, or for all the things for which we have expectations - the things that we think society judges us on. And maybe some parts of society do judge on things - houses, cars, jobs, careers, possessions, money, prestige, being predictable.... All I have, really, is myself, so I am finally, finally, learning to trust my own heart, my soul, and to do what I need to do to live my own life, with the things my soul needs for flight. We'll see what happens now.

On an odd, and kind of related note, I was vacuuming yesterday with the little stick vacuum thing I have - an electric broom type of thing. It doesn't even touch the cat hair. I have stuck with it because I have a vacuum in Indiana with all my other things, and haven't wanted to buy another one. So, yesterday I thought to myself, it's time to just get a vacuum. I need one now, so I will have to suck it up and get one, and just have two.

Looking out the back window to see what the weather was like this morning, I noticed that the dumpster for the apartments behind me had a plethora of things in it - someone appears to be moving and dumping many things. And on the top of the heap, on top of what looked like a wooden table, was a vacuum. It's filthy and will need to be cleaned up, and have some maintenance type work done. It does work, though. I think with new bags, belt, filters, etc, it will be perfect.

And the table will make an excellent work surface in the kitchen. It also needs serious clean up (I wiped off the worst before bringing it in). And I will probably paint it for now, since it's been painted already (just the top and legs, though). Maybe this summer I will strip it down and refinish it. It's some kind of hardwood, and super sturdy/heavy.
So, happy new year to me! A little more work (I had to drag both of these up the hill to my house), and they should be useful additions to the household. Thanks (universe? person moving? who/whatever?).