Only 9 working days until freedom....

and I'm still so busy that it really doesn't seem real. I have been waiting for so long to be free, and I have the feeling that the actual last day of work will be anti-climactic. I know that it will be like any other day, and that no one there will do a damn thing to mark the fact that I've been working there for 2 years and now will be done. I know this because they did very little (if anything) when another longer term employee left. That's the way the (non-existent) team spirit goes.

There will be things I miss, like my actual work duties, and all my pretty old books, and dealing with the people at the state library and historical society, and even CONTENTdm. I will not miss being in a work environment which is a staggeringly poor fit. That makes me even MORE determined NOT to do this ever again - not to take a job where the fit is bad. In this case, I did get to discover where in the library universe I want to be, and I did get experience that I will be able to use elsewhere. Still, I wonder if the tradeoff, experience for self-esteem, was totally worth it. I feel like I'm barely holding the shreds of my self-esteem together.

Having a very low pressure job, where people actually appreciate me, and where I'll be able to work in more of a team atmosphere will help me as I knit myself back together. So far, I'm really liking the people at the temp gig, and once the research is done and we are able to start doing more writing, I'll enjoy the job even more. Big bonuses are that the hours are flexible, I can wear what I want, there's an office dog, and I can work from home most of the time. Plus, I just found out that if I want to, I can extend my time with them past mid-August into December-January. It's nice to know, that I have a backup backup plan. (and that someone actually wants me, and would offer me more money to stay - which helps build the self-esteem back toward the plus side of things)

Minuses are that stress is still wreaking havoc. I ended up on antibiotics for yet another sinus infection. My eating is really out of control; I've tried sitting with myself, listening to the fears and pain and total loneliness that I feel, but it's so overwhelming that I bury those feelings in food. Because work triggers all the unsafe, self-hating feelings, I've made my peace with the fact that things will be out of control for another couple weeks. Once that huge stress is gone, I can sit with all the feelings that these past two years have brought up, and painfully process through them all. I just can't do that now, knowing that I still have to go back into that place. It's not safe emotionally, because these feelings tap into bigger and blacker places. I can't open myself up in the way I need while still working in crazyland. So, the future should be very interesting.

December Update (yeesh)

So with all the crazy moving stuff (having to clean two places, and everything taking longer at the new place), novel writing went by the wayside, as did blog updates, having a life, etc, etc. Callie and I are pretty settled in, and once the old stove leaves this week, everything will be fully functional.

The library had one of the fire suppression main pipes burst last Monday. It's been chaos and disaster. Still, the damage could have been much, much worse. The collection in kids took a bit of a hit, but most of the damage is carpet, walls, etc, etc. The Butte and Montana collections were moved right away, so it looks like no damage. It'll be awhile to come back from this one, though.

One of the "sure thing" grants that my job is based on was not renewed. As the rest of the potential funding is a HIGHLY competitive federal grant that we really have no business applying for (but that I have been assigned to do....), I'm planning on not having a job after June or July. I'm developing a variety of plans, and then will see what happens with those, and where I end up. My plan now is to train for the Missoula Marathon (July 10th), and to bring my mom out to Montana in July to go to Glacier. If anyone else wants to come, start saving your pennies. It'll be fun! The library job market in Montana (along with some of my other plans) leads me to believe that I will be moving somewhere else, so I want to do some Montana sightseeing before I go, wherever.

On a happier note, I went tree hunting today with the Peck family (I work with both Vickie and Laci). The weather was perfect - snow and sun. I'm going to post pictures and videos separately (because I'm too lazy to rearrange everything - since blogger always inerts pictures at the start of the post). As always, except for work, things are pretty good.

Time flies when you neglect your blog...

Hmmm, April already. A lot has happened in the last 6 weeks or so. After talking with the director about leaving, an opportunity came up to switch to a different job at the library, one that fits my interests and skills better, and one that gets me away from some of the stress-inducing crazy.

I was able to train with the librarian who was leaving the job before I officially applied for it. It's not perfect, and since it's still at the same library, it has some of the same people issues. It does move me away from crazy central, though. The new job is in tech services with a digital focus. I'll get to do some teaching and some outreach, too. The balance fits me well. I'll be able to pick up some of the skills I need to make a serious bid for an academic job when this grant is finished. So, for better or worse, I'll be in Butte until next summer (2011).

The frozen shoulder continues to improve. Callie has been issue-free for awhile, and will hopefully continue that way.

Until someone is hired for my old position, I'm straddling two jobs. It's been frustrating to be doing two things part-time, and only doing what NEEDS to be done. I'll be happy when I can focus on the new job.

Since I haven't posted for a ridiculous amount of time, I'll be putting up some photos and videos from various things that have happened. I'm hoping for spring, which doesn't look like it will be anytime soon (as we're lucky to get into the 40s, and have had some snow). I'm also hoping to make it through April, because once April is over, a lot of the programming stuff from my old job tapers off. Then, even if I am straddling two jobs, it shouldn't be quite so crazy.

Wellness

So, the rotator cuff tear is not a rotator cuff tear. It's a frozen shoulder, and a small cyst on the front of the arm. I got a cortisone shot, which felt weird the first few hours, then hurt that evening and next day, then stopped, and has been pretty amazing every since. It's not a cure, but I can move my arm much more, the pain does not last as long, and I am actually getting decent sleep. For just the sleep alone, it would have been worth it.

Callie is doing well. Both of us are mending well. Mentally, I feel like a huge weight has been lifted. Even though I've been applying for other jobs, I was still sort of straddling the fence, holding on to this job for security. I've let go, though. I talked with the director and told her that while there were things I liked about the job and Butte, it was not where I needed to be, personally or professionally. It went better than I expected. At least I'm not carrying that secret, and pretending to be something I'm not. And I'm not holding on to something that isn't good for me, either, just in case. And I have a phone interview Friday for a job that seems like a much better fit. So, changes are happening, and I'm hoping I've cleared some space for good things to come and perch.

Employed at last, employed at last...

Okay, as promised, the scoop on the interview. I interviewed Monday afternoon last week. The interview was based on two scenarios, and involved a kind of simulated case study approach. They were scored, with the highest scoring person offered the job. The job was offered to the other person, who turned it down. I was offered the job Tuesday morning. Our scores differed by about 6 points, so it was close. I am naturally delighted to have a job, and hope the other candidate is successful in her search.

I left for Missoula on Monday evening after the interview, spent a few days in Missoula with friends, came over early on Friday to check out some apartments and turn in my application. I flew home, enjoyed the holiday with my family, including my Texas sister and nieces.

This afternoon I found out that I was approved for the apartment I liked. So... in a week I have a job and a place to live! Woo hoo! After being unemployed for 6 months, the mad scramble now begins to find money for all of this. I'm hiring myself out for odd jobs.

The list of completed and upcoming jobs -

• cleaning and reorganization of two different purses
• baking 12 dozen cookies and 4 loaves of non-yeast bread, and cooking & freezing a caserole to feed 24
• cleaning & reorganizing a basement
• weeding

My catch phrase is No Job Too Odd. So, if any of you have any need for odd jobs in the next 2 weeks, let me know. As long as it's legal, I'm not ruling anything out.

I am really excited about the job itself, and the temporary inconvenience of having to scrape together moving money is just that - temporary. I'm thinking that I may be doing some pretty rustic living at first, but having done that more than once in the last couple years... well, it's not pretty, but it works, and it doesn't last forever (thank goodness!) Thanks to all of you who are now and have been my supporters in the past. Without you, I would not have made it through grad school, and wouldn't be soon to start my first professional position. You know who you are, and I will be forever grateful.

Boring surrounded by chaos

That's my life. I've settled into a school, work, job application sort of lifestyle. It's quiet, uneventful, boring, really, while around me, the country appears to be falling apart. I can't say that I'm too happy to be graduating into what promises to be an absolutely stellar job market due to the strong national economy (insert sarcasm here).

There continue to be jobs to apply for, though, so I will contine to apply, and hope for the best. In the meantime, my birthday is less than 2 weeks away. I'm trying to formulate a plan for some sort of small celebration. I've pretty much ignored my birthday for the past few years and didn't even really tell people when it was. I don't know that I'll tell people this year, but I think I may do something to mark the occasion. Knowing that next year I'll be 50 makes me feel old. I think that means I need to do something to celebrate/prepare.

I am going to Council Bluffs/Omaha for Thanksgiving. I will also be (hopefully) getting my first tattoo. Now I know you'd all love to vote on that, but I think I have a plan. There will be pictures. If any of you have any words of wisdom to share, I'm happy to hear them. You know where to find me...

Friday's Fun

1. taking the bus to the new apartment to get my key
2. move-in walk through (plus - new carpet and vinyl floors, minus - oven cleaning is pretty half-assed and will need to be done again)
3. taking the bus back to old apartment
4. moving two carloads of stuff (plants, clothes on hangers, things in baskets, etc) with Rose
5. coming back to the old apartment
6. submitting my first professional job application, complete with CV
7. emailing back and forth about my first editing stuff to do at home for adaptive technology
8. snuggling Callie
9. walking to the little grocery store for frozen enchiladas to cook in the microwave
10. cleaning and packing the microwave after eating
11. repacking some of the heavier boxes and tubs
12. wrapping tubs
13. packing the last odds and ends
14. drinking some Belgian ale

Eventually sleep will happen. And then the moving extravaganza tomorrow morning. And then the cleaning extravaganza at the old apartment. And then cleaning at the new apartment, and unpacking, and laundry. And then work bright and early on Monday morning. I'll try to post some pictures of the moving, new apartment, etc.

Oh, and apparently the packing saran wrap stuff hates me almost as much as regular saran wrap. Good to know for future packing ventures. It might stay stuck long enough to get there tomorrow, but for a long distance move.... hmmm, not such a good thing for me.

Two weeks to go

until the move to the new apartment. In the meantime, I will be finishing the last worksheet and final project for my government information class, working 8 days in a row before having 1 day off followed by another 5 days working, creating my first curriculum vitae (an extended resume focused on academics), applying for my first librarian position, and cleaning and packing in my spare time (spare time... hahahaha... maybe in August, after moving and getting settled, if I'm lucky).

I will be fitting in a few fun things here and there, though (maybe with a sledge hammer to get them to fit into those tiny crevices of time) - the farmer's market, a going away party for a recent grad, and maybe making some more earrings.

I got my annual letter from Social Security today, giving me my eligibility for benefits. I noticed, in looking over my earnings record, that I have worked since 1974, with only 4 years in which I didn't make any income. One was my junior year in high school. Two were my first two years in college; I had a work-study job for at least one of those years, and I think back then it was counted as financial aid and not income. The other year was the one I spent studying in Britain and was unable to work because of visa laws. So, apparently, in the last 34 years I have worked 30 of them (some of those only part-time, though).

For some reason, I find that really depressing, especially considering almost all of those jobs were just that - jobs. That's a lot of time to spend doing something you'd rather not be doing. I'm hoping this degree will change that, especially since I'm looking at 20 or so years left to work. I really don't want to spend any more years regretting what I'm doing or not enjoying it, or putting in my time. Only two weeks of summer classes left, and then the homestretch into the last semester of school. I'm really hoping that this degree will let me do something I enjoy for the rest of my working life.

Either that, or figure out how to capitalize on all this cuteness...

Feeling Better

After some very interesting dreams last night, caused by a bit of a temperature, I think I'm heading toward better health. I went out to get some chicken broth and crackers, and survived the trip. It's only 3 1/2 blocks away, but by the time I got back home, I was feeling like I'd done a marathon or climbed to base camp one on Everest.

Now I can rest up until I go to work tomorrow at the Education Library. It's usually fairly quiet on Saturday mornings, though, and as it's incredibly hard to find a sub, I would go in unless I were completely unable to do it. I'm going in to work at the new job over the weekend, to catch up/make up for missing two days.

The semester is off to a rousing start. I'm behind in classes and I'm sure my new boss is thinking that he should/could have hired someone else. And it's supposed to get very cold for here - highs in the teens and negative numbers at night. On the plus side, the cold weather and the recovery will help me continue with some crafty projects I've got going. So, in spite of some minor speed bumps, life is good, and certainly better than the alternative.

Let the Games Begin

So, week number 2 begins tomorrow. While I began my new job this past week, things were slow. I'm still trying to figure out what I'm doing there. With things picking up for this next week, I'm hoping I get a better feel for how the office functions. The council meets Tuesday for a state of the campus address by the Provost. That sounds interesting, but I learned Friday that this involves a reception afterward, something that strikes terror into the heart of socially inept library science students. Ah well, this is where I start paying back that fee remission part. Wish me luck, because I will need it.

I have begun checking on apartments for fall. This is the initial contact phase, which will result in the official visit phase, which in turn results in the signed lease. I am hoping to find a six month lease. I don't think that will happen, so the next best option is a place which allows a subleasee who can assume the lease. That (also) is highly improbable. We shall see. I have never lived in a place with such unusual housing issues. When I mention any of them, I'm met by, "It's a college town." Hate to say, but I've lived in several other college towns, and this is less a college town thing and more of a all-bets-are-off-there-are-no-regulations thing.

I remain ever hopeful, though. After my previous experiences, my standards have been lowered. If I can find something that doesn't leak, has pipes that don't freeze, can be heated and cooled adequately, has even three feet of kitchen counter space, and allows a cat, I could be happy. I look back at my places in Missoula longingly, even those which I then considered to be unworkable for some reason. I would be happy to be living in any of them again. With a cat, it's even more fun looking for places. Here, we have not only the pet deposit, but the portion which is nonrefundable (you pay for having a pet, not for any damage that might be caused by the pet), in addition to a monthly pet rent.

How could anyone not want such a cute cat as a tenant? (the mat behind her is the first scratching device she's ever willingly used.)

Week 1

1. I have survived the first week of class.
2. It has stopped raining so much that my apartment is back to its gentle leaking (in the form of spreading water stains), and not the dripping from the ceiling, running down the walls leaking of Tuesday night.
3. I think I will like all my classes, some more than others. None as much as the kids' class last semester.
4. I think I will like the new job, especially once it picks up a bit more and I figure out what it is I'm supposed to be doing.
5. I am still working three jobs (2 regularly and 1 sporadically).
6. My bursar bill has been unraveled, so my financial state is now better than it's been for months. That began working itself out Monday, and I have seen concrete results today. (yippee)
7. As a result of the concrete financial results, I can now see out from under my bangs. Why is it that a haircut can make me so happy?
8. Now that I have some money, I can get my books and do my reading for next week.

Almost Done and Ready for the Next Adventure

A little over 24 hours from now, my semester will be finished. All that will be left is finding out final grades.

I'll be working some extra hours at the Education Library. It sounds like some textbook straightening is being held in store for me. This is a photo of what it SHOULD look like (after I had spent about 3-4 hours working steadily). If you imagine these textbooks pulled out and put back in anywhere, or lying on their sides, or just generally in disarray, you'll know what I'll be up to next week.
I'll have a week to relax and then I'll be starting a new semester and new adventure. I applied for, and was awarded, a Graduate Assistantship in the Faculty Council Office. If you think back to your high school days and your high school student councils, the Faculty Council is similar, but on a much, much larger scale. I'll be helping to maintain and update listservs and the webpage, keeping track of committees and committee minutes, and generally helping the office run smoothly. The thing that makes this the best Christmas present I've gotten in a long, long time is that the position comes with health insurance, tuition remission, and a stipend, all things any graduate student could use!

I'll be continuing to work part-time in the education library. My Adaptive Technology job would also like me back, but I'm not sure I can fit that in, so that remains to be seen. It's a long, long way from the beginning of the semester, when I came back not knowing if I would be able to financially make it through the semester. Thankfully, my problems are now an embarrassment of riches.

Less sweating, more sweaters

And it's still in the 80s during the day, in spite of my wishes for cooler weather. The trees are losing a few leaves, but not in a huge splash of color. Long sleeves have yet to make an appearance for me. In fact, I'm not sure where the fall/winter clothes are, other than in a box in the "box room" (aka storage room, aka that wierd little room in the back that has no windows).

I'm blaming my recent streak of procrastination on the hot weather. Who wants to do anything ambitious with heat and humidity? I have finally made and mailed thank you notes to participants in the fundraising effort, though, and have been plotting out some beaded items requested from that event. In spite of procrastinating on reading and projects, I have somehow managed to get good grades on my papers. I would grade myself much more harshly, so I suppose it's a good thing I don't grade myself.

I finished my first week at my new second job. My "temporary" first job is still hanging in there, on a week by week basis. After that I'll go to on-call. I'm working next week for sure. My second job is very part-time, 9 hours a week, doing reference in one of the departmental libraries on campus. It's a little unnerving. People ask questions, and I'm supposed to have the answers. Some I can answer, while others send me running to the office to ask the experts. It may well be more of a learning experience for me at the moment than for the people who ask me things.