Decisions

Okay, those of you who have talked to me lately have seen me at my crazy and indecisive best, even for a Libra. Depending on the day you talked to me, I might have been postponing graduation for a semester, possibly applying to PhD programs and any other sort of postponement of life after SLIS.

The whole job search thing is such a roller coaster ride. Woo hoo, we're up! Oh, now we're down. They called, they haven't called. I was an idiot during my interview. I wasn't that bad. Repeat. (and repeat, and repeat again.)

I don't like the not knowing that comes with change. It was feeling safer to stay for another semester, just to know what was happening in the future. I think life has a way of figuring out when you're avoiding, though. I had two things happen this weekend that have helped push me away from my indecisiveness.

One, I had an email from Alaska, and I'm still a candidate (their term - "one of the finalists"). I have another phone interview to look forward to surviving. What I want to know is if I get a sash for being a finalist (I've been practicing my wave).

Two, I have someone to take over the lease of my apartment. This means I will need to go somewhere at the end of December, so I can't keep doing this wishy washy, I want it all kind of thing. I want to be in school and out of school. I want to stay here and I want to leave. I want to move and not move. Straddling all those fences was making me cranky, if nothing else.

It's kind of funny. I was just talking about this on Saturday at work. I left thinking, I really can't keep trying to stand in all the squares at the same time. It's one thing to stay with the feeling of being uncomfortable while you consider options. It's another to know what you need to do, but let fear make you crazy. Deciding to decide, deciding to do what I needed to do even though I was afraid, opened things up that had seemed stuck. Weird that that's when I suddenly got emails.... hmm, some of you would say that it's not a coincidence.

So, apparently, I will be graduating in December, according to plan. I may or may not be employed. Believe me, I will keep everyone posted on how the job search goes. And if you find me sleeping on your porch in January, well, just look at it as having your own live-in librarian.... In the meantime, pass me some boxes. Looks like I'm packing for the eleventeenth time.