Heart

Thanks for all the words of encouragment on the job hunting process. I'm having to remember that it is a PROCESS, and that my whole point in going to library school was to try to get closer to having a job that I love, one which fits my values, talents, personality, and skills. I also have to remember not to take rejection personally - another thing that's easier to do intellectually.

After reflecting on the rejection from Alaska a bit, I realized that it was not a position that fit me well. It consisted of a lot of group instruction, which is not my favorite part of the academic library set of skills. I got some really valuable feedback from one of the steering committee members, and I think it will help me focus in on what I enjoy and what fits my talents and personality better.

And of course, me being me, I defaulted to one of my favorite defense mechanisms - some black and white thinking; if I couldn't get one job, that meant I would never get any jobs, and not being comfortable with group instruction meant I should not even look for library jobs. Hey, I don't claim that it makes sense. It comes from the emotional side, and is one of the grooves worn into my brain that gives me lots of excuses not to do things. Fortunately, I've reached the point in my life where I don't have to go too far down this path before I see that I've been here oh, so many times before, and that it's not a place I want to go. Some course correction, and I'm back to being more realistic, and optimistic, about the job process.

I'm keeping my options open, and exploring related fields, like instructional design. I'm also looking at reference/instruction positions where the instruction is more virtual. I do truly think that library instruction needs to move in different directions, away from stand alone instruction. Some libraries are getting that. My hope is that I may be able to find a place open to changes, where I can put my skills, talents, and interests to use.

And it's not terribly surprising that my momentum in this process is more like a spiral than a straight line. My whole life has been a series of spirals - starting down a path, figuring out that's not quite where I need to be, spiraling around to another place. It looks very messy and doesn't work well for most people (and ends up taking longer and costing more), but for better or worse, it's been my way. This is just another curve in the spiral. I'm really excited to turn the corner and see what's ahead.

Maybe that's why I like labyrinths... the curves, the back and forth, making progress while looking like you're not, and requiring patience and time. It could be a metaphor for my life, really. I'm not sure exactly where this job hunting process will take me. All I know is that it feels very, very good to be listening to my heart again, and to be keeping myself open to the journey.